what's the deal?

I hear two stories. One is of how great it is to be in love and be in a relationship and all that. Which I'm sure is great, and drawing on the experience I have of being in love, i'm sure if it were ever reciprocated it would sure be nice. However I'm not there yet. The other side is that of actually getting along with the significant other. I think I've lived long enough to know (rationally) that one has to pass through a few phases before commiting long term to a person. Don't settle down in the first phase of passionate love, don't settle down after that phase has passed, since that phase is one of trying to integrate the other person's personality into one's own without being too critical. In phase that follows one has (possibly) started to become irritated by the same personality because it was, after all, not so much like your own; and the friction starts. The other possibility being things working out, being a good match. If one waits, past the passion phase, past the second phase which i have forgotten the name of, and enters the phase of where one has accepted and can comfortably live with each other...then go for it. However, i suspect one can linger in the second phase, desperately trying to sugarcoat the things that annoy, the things that anger, and so on and so forth, fearing that if one loses this person, finding another will be impossible then it's "better to learn to live, however unbearable, with this person". wrong.

What does this mean for me?

I've grown even more picky than before. Ok, I've grown more picky with prospective girlfriends. And since I've never really been the sleeping around type, this discourse concerns my reality with girls.

I love kids, i want kids one day. But not at the price of my sanity. Where is Mrs. Yarollahi? Are you out there?

Ps. Once you've found the girl you think is the one, then you have to work on that relationship, nurture it. Don't give up. In this day and age, people seem to think that if love isn't there, magically, then one shouldn't be together. Are they refering to that initial phase of passionate love? That phase is exactly, that, a phase. Phases are transient. After that it's commitment-phobia. Are you a commitment-phobic? Meditate on why. Get to know yourself.

update

Work work work.

I work almost everyday now. I'm working at a home for kids 0-12y.o. It's a home for kids whose parents aren't always fit to be parents and the social services have gone in and removed the children from that home, and placed them in this home, where I work...

<I started the job as a part-time gig back in September when I was still in uni. Back then I was commuting 3hrs by train, once or twice a week to this other town called Örebro. That was last semester. Fast Forward again >>. I'm on a small hiatus from uni this semester to clear my head and figure some stuff out. Figure some real shit out. Like if this is what i wanna be doing, how I can best do it, and if I decide to do it, then how to go about being good at it. Life stuff.

So while I'm doing this I'm living at home, making new friends, working and saving money. The work wasn't supposed to take over my life though, I'm starting to feel like there's not much else, which I guess would be ok if it were my future profession but I doubt I'll be doing this for that long. So it can get a bit tedious at times. Not the actual work though, it's usually fun, mostly involving playing with these kids and taking them places, to the pool, to the cinema, skating etc. So a plus is that I'm doing stuff I probably normally wouldn't be doing (yet).

Living at home. Living at home isn't as hard as people make it out to be. Has a lot of perks and some downsides but in my opinion the perks far outweigh the downsides. And I get along with my parents well. Ofcourse it can get pretty difficult sometimes but it usually blows over and we're back to being ok.

As for plans for the near future? This routine till after summer, then I either start uni again and finish it (1.5yrs left of my post-grad studies) or I do something else. But I'm fairly certain I'll be finishing up Uni.

i am alive!

yes, i'm still walking this earth. Feel better, working, and having fun.

updates coming soon.