?

For some reason i feel the need to write in this blog more often. Maybe it's because i have alot of free time and i don't know what to do with it :/ My bro's girlfriend arrived today, we went to a restaurant with the whole family. After which we went to visit a friend and her newborn baby. Very cute, so tiny, exactly 2 weeks and 5 days old. Don't think i've ever "met" such a young baby in my life, which must sounds very odd. At around 21 we went to see a friend's band play at this place called "pustervik", the band is quite good actually. Original if nothing else. Saw a old classmate but we left before i had the chance to say hey, hope to see her again. Probably won't happen considering last time i saw her was in summer. Well well, life goes on.

Came home and here i am, starting to feel guilty about eating so much :D About time eh...hehe. Will have to start going to the gym as soon as i get back.

Feel my japanese listening comprehension is improving. Been listening alot to radioshows lately and watching movies and i can almost follow the conversation bar the occasional vocab i dont know, in films the subtitles help but on the radioshows i have to either look the words up or just ignore them. This will all be put to the test in March,

I'm gonna bomb on my exams! shite...stupid motivational dysfunction!!!

Striking a balance

I'm trying to strike a fine balance between writing enough posts and not too many. Trying to preserve my "dark horse" status, as it was once called ;) Naah, frankly am not doing as much things i should be doing as i am doing. Hum, been keeping up with my asian films, watched atleast one every night. I also watched an extremely funny film yesterday called "Napoleon Dynamite" TWICE". First time on my own and the second time with my brother just like half an hour afterwards.

Time is 04:51 and i should be getting some sleep, seeing as i "have to be up not later than half 4 tomorrow"?! Lazy as i may be, i don't think i've ever slept until after 4pm, as far as i can remember anyway.

Night, night

Last week in Gothenburg

i took this picture last monday. It's sunday now and it looks nothing like this here. Instead we can revel in the frosty things that fall from the sky known also as rain (not hail mind you, just frickin freezing rain). It was more fun than it looked, threw my first proper snowball in years last sunday. Which was also the day i said goodbye to my friend leaving for japan.

I'm back in business baby...

Went out today, most unexpectedly...Came home from a xmas visit at my uncle's place and change into pj's, sit down and chat and do my routine of checking things on the computer. Friend of my brother calls up and says he's having a party. So me and Arvin take the car, me being the designated driver for the evening since he was last time. So no drinking for me tonight, how fun can it get really im thinking to myself. We finally show up at the guy's place and we meet up with alot of friends i haven't seen in quite awhile. Good to see them again actually. Also met a girl we've been friends with for like the past years. This perfect stereotype of a swedish girl, blond, tall (185cm), pretty as hell and start chatting away. Me just being me, and not a chance in the world i can get with this girl (really!). We move on to the club, nice chic place (BarSidan for those who know it). And the mood gets going, music drinks...I have a beer to get going. Chat with another girl that came with us, she seems nice. She in dublin at the moment working in a bar and over for the hols to visit home just like everyone else. Somehow i start talking to this girl again (the blonde) and me being me as always just start to goof about and stuff, no chance i can get her by trying to be "cool" and fail miserably. So i don't expect anything and put the Emil on her! And lo and behold, it bloody WORKS!!! How surprised am i, i make her laugh all nite and she's throwing hints at me all night *wink* *wink*- style. So she gonna be my date for the dinner party we're having new years eve at a friends place. Score! ;)

The emil has bounced back, in less time than expected. I think it's got to with that i've discovered my niche and am not trying to do what's not my thing anymore. I'm shit at picking up girls at clubs, so i dont. And i'm perfectly happy, though i realise i get looks in clubs and going up to them would probably be a fruitful endevour. Well, well...its 04:04 here and i should go to bed soon!

just so u guys know, I'M BACK! (if u ever noticed i was gone, was gone for only two months)

ps. I realised sth about my history of relationships and that they have never actually exceeded the two-week mark. True, technically i went out with maría for 2 months nearly, but in effect i only saw/was with her no more than two-weeks in total. How freaky is that?? trying not to think about it too much. Also, i texted a girl i had met in summer, not expecting a reply at all because of the nature of how i didnt hear from her. But i did get a reply, amazingly...not expecting much though. And with this new thing going on i dont have to pay it much mind. ds

Wireless everywhere i go...

I'm sitting down in our café now and I open up the Airport and what do i see. Two unsecured Wireless streaming internet to my little baby, this is great! Getting this Airport card was probably the best thing i bought after the actual mac. Wireless is the future my friends. Go Wi-fi and u will never go back!

Heading over to my uncle's house now to spend xmas with my cousins and the family. Long time ago i saw the whole family reunited (that is, the entire family residing in Sweden). Mostly at xmas time it happens, but it didn't last year. Now what is left is new year's and then the start of exams.

I'm not looking forward to the exams. Have started slowly and hopefully the pace will pick up soon. It has to. Finishing my breakfast now.

Oh my god....

the women, the girls...the beauty! I will live in Sweden for the rest of my life and i regret ever leaving it for Britain. I have just returned from a super party with extremely gorgeous women. I was standing on my own waiting for Arvin to get drinks and this group of girls come in and start dancind like 10m away from me. I see a gorgeous blond bareback top dancing in front of me and i think to myself, who will ever be so lucky as to be with her. She turns around and she is a beauty, reminds me of a girl i met in summer actually (kajsa for those who were there). I don't give more thought to her as i'm sure she will not be interested in a guy like me. To my astonishement though, her group of friends (and her ofcourse) dance close to us alot of the time and the girl gives me alot of very enticing looks. Am i seeing things or is this really happening??? Arvin says let's go find the girls (the girls we came with) and we start moving across the dancefloor, the girl looks and i look our eyes meet. Arvin notices and he stops me and says to dance right where we are. Amazing. I wish i had my camera with me!! :/ After that i didnt see her all night and here i am sitting blogging about it.

Arvin and i also saw many many Jaaani's (for the english, Jooooohnnies) and reveled in the fact that they're all gimps =) So many but so little time to make fun of them... hehe. We (my brother and I) also came to the conclusion that

I am not a meet-girl-at-club kind of guy. I suck at going up to girls at clubs (i.e. i dont do it) and rarely pull in clubs (if the girl doesn make the first move, which has happened a few times actually, believe it or not). But what i can do, is attract girls if i know them abit before or there is a situation in which they're there because they know someone that knows someone else that knows me. Such as a pre-party or such. Or even Uni. That seems to be my playing field and i should learn to take advantage of it. I haven't so far, but i will from now on.

Pretty girls of Sweden, I love youuuuuuu....( ok , im abit drunk, so what...i still love the pretty girls here, and i don't want to go back to stupid england). Only mingers and twats. Ok, only another year and a half then i'll be surrounded by pretty japanese girls and then a year later by pretty swedish girls ALL THE TIME.

feeling the effects of a break-up

for some reason unknown to me, as this is a new area for me (breakup), im feeling sad. I realise feeling sad after a breakup isnt very odd, but its just the timing. I wasn't really thinking about Maria, I just came back from a meeting with my friends, one of which is leaving for japan tomorrow, and just now when i came back home i was hit by this feeling of unexplicable sadness :/ I don't like it at all. And i don't know what to do to get over it...watching some Eddie Izzard to try to get better, but it doesnt seem to be working. Humm, i might post some more abit later. Writing about it seems to be working a bit.

GOING TO JAPAN IN SPRING...

Starting to look forward to going to japan again this spring. The ticket should be around £350 last time i checked and i think its very reasonable for travelling halfway around the world.

The preliminar plan is to stay in tokyo for a week and then take the bullet train to Osaka and stay there for a week aswell. Hopefully everything will go smoothly and this will be my second visit to Japan in less than 12 months. Just love that country, so much to see and the people are the nicest and most humble people on the planet. They will go miles out of their way to see you to your destination, it's crazy. And they'll do anything to practice their english, which can be a funny experience since you will get people starting conversations with you on the street. Won't happen as much in Tokyo as everybody seem so busy.

That's why i actually prefer Osaka, i hadn't been there for more than 10 minutes and this guy started talking to me. Turns out he's going to London to study for a few months. Very enjoyable, and extremely friendly people. The actual city has a funny smell about though, literally. The city smells. Apparently, Osaka was virtually bombed to bits during WWII so everything is very industrialised-ish. Very crammed and functional. The food and the attitude of the people more than make up for it though. So easy-going.

I can't wait to go back...

Welcome Firefox, adieu Safari...

I have made the switch from Safari to Firefox, it all started with a mention of it by Firas. Didn't really take much thought to it as i had Safari which was light years ahead of Internet Explorer in my opinion. I needed a replacement for IE for my mum's pc because frankly IE is lacking in many areas. So the first thing that hit me was Firefox. I installed it on her computer and it works perfectly, so smoothly that i even opted for it on my PB. So here i am, using Firefox for the mac. Beautiful. I don't really notice much difference as far as functions go, has a built-in popup blocker, a separate google search field. Has tabs, a quick bookmark field. Exactly like Safari. Somehow though it feels faster, and it works better with some sites that didn't like Safari.

the hardest things

I just finished writing one of the most difficult emails i've ever had to write. Today i made up with Maria. Tomorrow it will be over once again. I think it's for the best. As much as i wanted it to be true i think i was fooling myself, refusing to face the facts. Sooner or later it would become too much, wanting to spare heartache on both parts, i feel this was the best course of action. I've been trying to think logically for a long time, but it's not easy with eyes (and mind) clouded by such strong emotions. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. But i truly wish we will both still be able to keep eachother as really good friends after all this. I truly and honestly want to. She is the greatest girl i've ever been with...

trying to think of trivial things...

and therefore i am in writing this, this first entry, from the bog. It is nice! Happy time :P I'm doing all i can to take my mind off serious things, but they keep coming back. Should i contact her? I would have long cracked if it werent for my brother, and i think since i dont have any perspective on the matter for the moment, its for the best. I would have called her by now, but i have made a promise to my brother not to so i won't. Not until tomorrow...darn, why does it have to be like this!? Why did she go and do this...it only cause more shite for both of us, i guess she's realised what she had and is now missing it, but what about me? i knew what i had all along and now i don't have it because of her inexperience. Stupid things im saying eh, I will call her soon. Or atleast acknowledge her by unblocking her from my msn.

Something just hit me, i hope its not true...darn!

how annoying is this?!

i received a text mesaage and just as i went to check the display the phone died. I plugged it in to the power and started recharging. Turns out the message has somehow disappeared. How annoying is that?? anyone who knows me knows im an extremely curious person and not knowin who and what that text said is killing me :/ i suspect its from maria, even though i wouldn't have replied to it, i still want to know what it said, is that bad? humm...stupid battery!!

I'm back, taking it easy this time...

it's been a few hours since we broke up and ive had time to think. She kind of broke it off and i would be lying if i said i wasnt quite hurt by it. But I couldn't really do anything about it, she had thought about it for quite some time it seemed and reached a conclusion. I went out with arvin and had a beer and just chilled out. We went to Sticky, a old high school hang out and i got a bit nostalgic. Swedish guys must truly be the most frustrated guys in the world. After the conversation ended with maria earlier today i asked her not to contact me until i contacted her, just to have some time to think (and get over her, even though it didn't last for very long i developed some strong feelings for her). When arvin and I were out i got a call from her...and just now when i got back, literally about 5min ago i got a text message saying she has made the biggest mistake of her life and realised how much she loves me and cant be without me. Writing it like this might sound abit narcissistic of me but there is no other way of conveying her message.
What can i do...what indeed. I like her very much and i really dont mind the distance, this is the best thing that has happened to me for as long as i can remember. But i have to keep quiet for a while longer. I can't give in just yet. For my own sake, since she didn't really consider this when she said the things she did earlier today. Now she has had time to think about her actions, this probably sounds horrible but i think its the only way of making sure the relationship remains healthy in the future. I don't know how much sense i'm making right now...listening to some of hte music she sent me isnt helping me concentrate either :/ Relationships are difficult, I'm lost.

thats all folks...

its over :/ no more worrying, no more "serious" talks, no more frustration, no more maria...

change of blog look and more serious talk!

its weird this relationship i have with maria, weird in a strange worrying kind of way. Everything just went from bad to extremely bad to worse to bordeline breakup back to good. Mostly because of her mother. i thought id post something about it before i forget the details but im afraid they've already slipped my mind. Suffice it to say, i was very worried for a while and it looked very dim for our relationship. Having a distance between is enough, the last thing we needed was a mother to be against this. Luckily she's not gonna get in the way, which is all i want/need to know. So next time she's coming is 14th Jan, after my exams. So unitl then i have to study hardcore, and get some stuff done. Like the essay, again, not gonna do much to improve on it, maybe just change the introduction and reparagraph. The time is 04:18 and i should get some sleep...

jolly good temper

Everything is going beautifully with my life at the moment. Just one thing missing, work. I have to get started with the studying. Need to get stuff done. Need to print stuff since i forgot to bring other stuff from leicester, which is good actually since we probably would have missed the train if we had gone back from it.
Contemplating re-opening an old discussion with maría about her coming here for new years, ..oh here she is now...will post more later!

once more...

Had another post-meeting talk with maría about our little situation. I'm glad to say it ended on a good note, though it took some time and hesitation and times of both of us being quite hesitant of the whole thing. But i think we sorted out alot of our troubles and there shouldn't be anymore problems. I hear alot of differing opinions about my current relationship, alot of positive things and some negative, some pessimistic, some realistic and some optimistic. As i'm quite the optimist i tend to see things from an optimistic perspective most of the time. That applies to this as well. I think it will take alot of patience and quite some perserverense to keep this relationship afloat but im positive it will work out because im secure in the way i feel about her and the only thing that could set this shaking is our circumstances, not the way we feel about each other. Only time will tell what will become if this...i only wish we had more time with eachother. This could be something very good for both of us, and i think it's worth a shot in any case.

On a different note, went shopping today. Got new glasses, a new jacket and a sweater (that one also new :P). I needed a new jacket, been wearing a summer jacket for the last 2 years. Now (im afraid) its time to wear a winter jacket for awhile. I really like it though, so i will probably be wearing it as much as possible. It's a Levi and set me (well, my parents actually)about £100.

The battery for my PowerBook has gone from bad to worse, it seems i cant use it for more than 15-30m without running out, no matter what settings i apply. Might have to get a new battery very soon (no sooner than mid/late january though). Very bad timing since i just received the wireless access point, which was supposed to allow me to surf the net WITHOUT being bound to wires. Now im bound by wires carrying a different key necessesity for my precious PB. Curse u apple :P

It's too hot in here, won't fall asleep for awhile i think, i cant open the windows either. A sure way of catching a cold. Interchaning temperatures...id rather be too warm thank you very much. Better get to sleep...until next time!

arrived and happy (mostly)

sitting in the living room now with a glass of wine, half-watching a film with my dad and drinking some white wine. My dad just qouted something to me said in the film , "when my son was 6 he used to say 'my dad knows everything', when he was 12 he used to say 'my dad knows almost everything' and when he turned 16 he said 'my dad is an idiot' " lol or what ;) The film looks quite interesting but i have no idea what its about, all i know its got that kid from the terminator 2 in it and some other semi-famous people.
Considering making a little graphic for the title of the blog page. Seen it done on other blogs and it makes abit more personalised. See when i have time. Gotta go sort out the internet-sharing now,

sorry for the boring blog entry but i might be back later tonight with something else. will probably eat something before going to bed aswell, will gain alot of weight this holiday but its ok, im home :D Later boys and (maybe) girls

weekend of mixed emotion

this weekend has been great, this weekend is seriously good...i was totally smashed on friday, was telling each and every person i met on the street (apparently) to fuck off, and also (?) asking them if they knew the truth?! Im sitting now in the dark in the living room (thanks to firas) contemplating recent events. What is right for me? Will i miss out, will it change, will she change?? I dont know and it's killing me. The point of this blog has become more obvious as i go along. things very personal you don't want people to know, yet its public and you know they will read it. Somehow the dichotomy in that is less disturbing than it should be. I mean, im writing this to make myself feel better, i could as easily just save it on my harddrive and no one would ever know. I don't know what im talking about,

this weekend was great, had all my best friends here which really does make one feel better. What is there in life that is better and more rewarding and fulfilling than truly good friends, girls can be such a hassle, but when it works it perfect, the reality is more grim than to let one enjoy the good moments forever. How often does your friend make u feel as shit as ur girlfriend could in a second? Im not making sense, these are just residual emotions of a talk we've already had and seems to have ended on a good note....yea, right, im in here spilling my guts and she's sleeping in the next room. This will all be over in the morning and i will have forgotten all about it. No point crying over spilt milk, right

until next time dear friends,

finally finished and i dont care

if i get a shit mark, i have just waited so long for this day and now its finally here and soon it has passed. Soon it will be friday and we will all be celebrating my 21st, rat-faced. After handing in my practical (the event ive been waiting for) i might go to the lecture depending on the general consensus of my friends and after that go home and sleep for 4-5 hoursand then at 6 i have to go to subway to work...

blaa

21!

im 21 now, happy happy

Im still up?!

i just wrote a 1000 word email...!

here are some topic-neutral extracts:

"...Got back from work about half and hour ago, was meant to get off at 12.30 but we were only 2 ppl working so we cudnt get the placed cleaned and closed until now. Cheap manager wont let more than 2ppl work even on saturdays and we only get paid until 12.30, so i worked about 1.30hrs for NO pay!, stupid manager..."

"...Also, ive been told im not very good at paragraphing (essay feedback) so im tryingg to get some practice in. The thing is that u have to "glue" the paragraphs together, they need to have a red line running through them, cant be totally detached from each other. That is how u write a good essay (in psychology anyway). Ive turned into this essay police, whenever i see my friends write essays (and they're not psychologists) i comment on the structure ect, but then i stop myself because i know that in psychology they're SUPER strict with structure and order and stuff. Even the references have to PERFECT, and i mean, perfect, they'll mark u down if u have referenced wrong. And essays are the easy part, dont get me started on practicals (which are reports on research experiments, what was done, results, conlusions etc) might sound easy but is actually quite difficult, and those are the most important part of our course, every practical report count as about 12% towards our module mark. Crazy isnt it, the exams only count for 20% and the essay only 2%, and its only a pass/fail so u wont get marked on it..."

im 21 tomorrow!!! hurray for me, hipp hipp hurra! :P in no mood for deep shit, so im just chatting shite and superficial cold talk to myself. bla bla bla..