The big red monster

I've been eaten, chewed, digested and spit out more than once before. Now it's happened again. There's not much to say really. You just have to swallow hard and move on. Which ofcourse is the hard part. Ive kindof developed this shell around my heart which doesnt let anyone in until it's 100% sure it's not going to be hurt. That doesnt bode well for me because i know that all guys, unless ur brad pitt, get shot down a few times and thats just a part of the game. But still, my heart and I are two completely separate entities and we have different opinions on this subject. In the end, somehow and why, my heart always wins.

Im going to bed. These things usually pass overnight. A night were ur confidence sinks to horribly great depths and you just want to blackout for a couple of hours. I sleep it off. Hopefully in the morning i'll feel better. I let my guard down too soon and now i have to face the consequences. Returning to Leicester will hopefully bring routine back to my life and i can regain some of the lost confidence. I'm getting tired of fighting with my shitty confidence day in and day out. It seriously feels like im a borderline manic-depressive. Sometimes i can feel so alive, times when life seems great and at other times (most of the time really) i feel like im trapped between a rock and a hard place. I know all people have these ups and downs but to me it feels like im at the top of Mt. Everest one moment and down the deepest sea the other. Time...